This year I've decided I'm going to exercise religiously...
That means I'm going to work out on Easter and Christmas and I'm done.
I just got fired for putting my penis in the pickle slicer at
the restaurant where I work She only got docked a week's pay
The keurig machine at work acts like its going to give me coffee, but it turns off at the last minute.
I feel like I'm getting brew balls.
Did you hear about that celebrity who committed suicide?
Reese whatsername? "Witherspoon?" "No, with a knife!" Only really works if you actually tell it to someone (and can maintain a good pokerface)
The thermostat was invented 125 years ago, but I have yet to work in an
office with one that has anything but Africa and Sibera as settings.