Frozen...
Text Message from Wife: Windows frozen. Won't Open. Husband: Pour lukewarm water on window. Tap gently with hammer to free windows. Wife: Computer really messed up now. Nothing works.
Why don't accountants read novels?
Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Why did the farmer win the Nobel Prize?
There was a clerical error. The award was intended to go to Malala Yousafzai for her advocacy work for education for young girls.
They hired another Russian guy at my work He seems to think
everything that Ukrainian guy tells him is so obvious.
Old Lady at the bank I work at a bank, and one time an old lady asked if I could check her balance.
So I pushed her over.