There are only 10 bad people in the world..
And i get Christmas cards from 9 of them.
[ Anything I buy from now until Christmas, I consider it a gift...
] Kids! Close your eyes and hold out your hands! "Toilet paper?!"
What do the lady reindeer do on Christmas eve?
They hit the town and blow a few bucks.
For christmas i bought my girlfriend a pair of shoes and a dildo.
That way if she doesnt like the shoes she can go fuck herself.
Darth Vader says to Luke 'I know what you're getting for Christmas'.
Luke: How could you know that? Darth: I have felt your presents