My lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex for Christmas.
I guess they didn't understand what I meant when I said "I wanna watch".
How is Christmas like your job?
You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Pro tip: No matter how much you hate wrapping, never
ask your wife to wrap her own Christmas presents.
Great gift for Trump supporters: Place a bar of soap in their Christmas
stocking and beat them with it after they fall asleep
What do gnomes fear most about Christmas?
They're afraid Father Christmas will give them the sack!