Milliband, Clegg and Farage have quit.
Proof that the Conservatives are forcing people out of work.
Why do mules not work as hard as horses?
Because they're half-assed!
I came up with a new word that means taking someone else's work and passing it off as my own.
Plagiarism
I was fighting with my wife over the arrangement of the dining-room furniture.
I thought I had won but when I got home from work the tables were turned.
What does suicide and marriage have in common?
(This one needs work...) Permanent solution to temporary problem.