After two divorces, I think I've found the key to a successful marriage.
Don't marry a c*nt.
No thanks, marriage.
If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
wife: Would you ever want an open marriage?
me *messages every girl in my phone asking if they'd have sex with me* Umm *all respond no* Nah
What do you call a wife who loves to shop?
A credit to her husband.
In a furious argument, the wife tells her husband...
- I should have married the devil instead of you! - Well, that's impossible. Marriage between cousins is forbidden!