How people think Brain: "You're weird." Body: "and you're fat." Face:
"plus you're pretty ugly" Food: "I'm here for you babe..."
Now that food has replaced sex in my life,
I cant even get into my own pants.
Mall Santa: what do you want for Christmas?
Me: drugs. Mall Santa *whispers* meet me in the food court in 20 minutes.
Forgot to turn on the oven.
Food's been in there for 45mins. I know, cause I set the timer.
So a sandwich...
So a sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve food here."