What is your mom's favorite animal?
Macaque.
Today I learned two things: 1.
Build-A-Bear Workshop only lets you stuff fake animals 2. Mall security guards get to use real handcuffs
Why do elephants never use computers?
They're afraid of the mouse.
"What would be your main strength?" Well, I can communicate with animals...
"Wow, impressive. Any weaknesses?" They can't understand me.
If you're nice to an animal, it loves you for life.
If you're nice to a person, who the fuck knows what's gonna happen.