My wife set a limit on how much we can spend on each other for Christmas.
It's $100 on me and $500 on her.
Do you know what the kid with no hands got for Christmas?
Me neither. He couldn't open his presents.
My Parents asked me what i wanted for christmas...
I said i want something to wear and something to play with. So they got me a pair of pants with the pockets cut out.
I just saved a ton of money on my Christmas shopping
by expressing my political views on facebook.
Did you hear about the time Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for Christmas?
He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.