What's the difference between a happy programmer and a sad programmer?
"Hello, world" and "Goodbye, cruel world"
Why did the programmer get a job working with big data when his wife died?
He just needed a little bit of Clojure.
What do programmers hate more than fat women?
Fat fingers
Why did the developer go broke?
Because he used up all his cache.
What do you call a bug that won't go away?
A feature.