Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight.
Not sure which ones were in costume...
NEVER date someone that works for your cell phone provider.
You're welcome.
"If you're flying with 3 kids, pick the 1 with the highest earning potential
& then work your way down with oxygen masks." -Flight attendant
*wife gives me a big hug before I leave for work* I love you too, babe!
[later] Where's my credit card? Son of a..
My ex and I didn't work out, you could say our stars didn't align I'm a Cancer she was a cunt.
She was anything but a Virgo, and her Pisces smelt like a Taurus.